Thursday, September 17, 2009

Refresher Course on Grace

The summer days are waning. The kids are back in school, DH has returned to a “normal” work schedule, as crazy as that is, and I’m settling into life at home with just my littlest boy during the day. This summer, like all others, came with its familiar challenges. Financial matters are trickier in the summer, and life with all of us here brings more bickering, more chores to be done, and fewer willing hands (“but it’s summer vacation, Mom!”). I’ve also found that I am unsettled – there are principles I absolutely desire to live, but they are at odds with my tendency to be distracted and to avoid facing difficult situations. It puts me in mind of a cat chasing its tail – not actually achieving the goal, but creating a bigger mess in the chase.

When I stop to evaluate these times in my life, a common theme always emerges. My prayer life has become less consistent, and the stress I’m feeling comes from believing that I need to fix, juggle, figure out, and manage everything. There’s always the sense that the disorder in our home can only be put right if I can suddenly don my magic "SuperMom" cape and be what I have never managed to be: able to rise early and stay up late, single-minded and ever diligent in keeping peace and order, able to easily step aside to tend to children and visitors, always temperate and modest, always keeping my attitudes in check, always keeping the deadly poison from the “restless evil” in my mouth…. Funny. That magic bullet hasn’t yet struck.

Somewhere in the harried madness of life, there’s a lesson that I have to revisit over and over: His grace is sufficient. It takes courage and strength to face my fear and my weakness and let God be God. It requires a daily choice – daily submission to grace – choosing my bridegroom and the choosing the willing surrender of the bride. I need to take time to reconnect with the truest longings of my heart rather than the loudest clamorings of my world. I need to take a refresher course on grace from the author of grace. And then we’ll do it again tomorrow….

1 comment:

Marva said...

Beautifully written! I have missed you! I also tend to want to don the supermom cape....I have learned to leave it in the closet a little more and just go with the flow. LOL! What else can you do when you work so much in the summer?!

You are a real supermom!!!!

I have a friend that lives in the UK and has some questions from a catholics point of view on christianity. I am quite ignorant when it comes to catholicism. Would you mind shooting me an email and we could talk more?

Hugs and Love,