I try to keep things light. I try to keep smiling...to be consistently optimistic, if a little darkly sarcastic in doing so. My faith makes me ready to say that I believe, that I hope, that I am confident in my God and in the saving power of His son. But honestly, I'm struggling. I feel like I am not using my gifts to their potential, like I'm not approaching my family with the gratitude that allows me to care for them as I should, like I'm floundering to make sense of my vocation and what it requires of me. And I feel like in the midst of it, God is standing by, silently watching. I feel the distance...I feel the burden of my failures...I feel that somewhere in the growing hunger in my soul, a dam has to break. I feel that this time will give way to some growth, or healing, or new understanding -- some touch of abundant grace that lies just over the horizon. And so I wait...and pray for courage and resolve to embrace the darkness, and to be vigilant in expectation of the dawn.
This post was started just before a family vacation in July. In abundant mercy and abiding faithfulness, I know my redeemer lives. As they solidify, I will post the thoughts and prayers from our time away...a chain of blessings from a chain of lakes beneath the Michigan sun.